Introverted, or allergic to verbal ping pong?

Help, the unwritten rules of social conduct are weird

According to the definition, I’m a textbook introvert. I recharge when I spend time alone, and I absolutely crave “me time”. It gets to the point where I have to force myself to schedule time to socialise, otherwise it just won’t happen.

It’s not that I don’t like people. I love people. As long as they’re honest, imperfect, and a little bit crazy.

I love people whose eyes light up when they talk about something that excites them; people who openly share their challenges and vulnerabilities; people who ponder absurd things like the personality traits of the colour yellow (a total arsehole, by the way). Once I get myself out of my comfort zone and engage with these types of people, I can listen and talk at length without draining my energy.

It makes me wonder: what if introverts aren’t the socially inept creatures that society perceives us to be, rather we’re worn down by the unwritten rules of social conduct when it comes to communication? What if we’re seeking a little more realness and life in our interactions?

If someone says to me, "How was your weekend?" I have to remind myself that the rule is to offer a slight smile and say, "Good thanks. How was yours?" It’s like a dumb little dance with steps each of us performs, but neither of us give a shit. Similar exchanges continue throughout the day – they say pointless statement X, then I have to respond with pointless statement Y.

I do the dance, mainly because it seems to make other people feel stable – like the world makes sense to the extroverts when we each do what we’re supposed to do, say what we’re supposed to say. The dance gets easier as I get older. I feel less annoyed by it and consider it just a part of life, with lovely people who are just doing their own thing, and being kind the way they know how.

But it's still tiring, because it doesn't come naturally. If there's nothing to say, I'd prefer to say nothing.

As a side note to those who ask about my weekend: it is very rare my weekend will involve anything beyond some half-arsed cleaning, reading, dancing around the house, and recovering from an excessive amount of humaning at work. So while I thank you for asking, because I understand it's a thing we do (kind of like saying "bless you" when someone sneezes), please take this as my standard answer.

Thankfully, there are always those rare people I can catch up with and be myself. We might talk about a kick-arse piece of music, why Freud was a massive arsehole, share an embarrassing story, or ponder the meaning of life ("We are put on earth to fart around," wrote Vonnegut, "don't let anyone tell you any different.”).

Of course, these conversations are only great when they come about naturally, otherwise it’s just another version of the extrovert thing. They can also lead to my other favourite activity with friends: sitting around and saying absolutely nothing for a while, maybe staring off into space.

Maybe introverts actually love people more than extroverts do. Maybe we want to forgo the pointless to-and-fro and truly connect?

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